Missing EJ

Dear Elisha,

Today you are 5 years, 4 months and 13 days old to be exact. You went to school with your papa on a rainy day. Temperature outside is about 10 degrees but I let you wear the jacket that auntie Lily gave you (it’s very warm) because tonight, the temperature might drop to 3 degrees. You were coughing a bit and I guess your body’s reacting to the changing season – from Autumn to Winter. As usual, you have your juice with Super C in your bag.

While I was preparing you for school, something was going on in my heart already… I realized you were just a kid and you needed so much love and care… but sometimes, I expect you to behave like an adult… So when you left, tears rolled down my cheeks and I want to write this down so you get to read this someday and know that mama loves you very much.

Sometimes when you’re asleep in the middle of the night, you don’t know it but I kiss your forehead, run my fingers through your hair, look at your face and thank God He gave YOU to us to love and to nurture. I also ask Him to help me because I’m not a perfect mom and there were times I’ve been too hard on you. There was even a time when you told me, “Mom, you hurt my heart when you get very angry at me,” it so struck me that when you and Meimei fell asleep, I read for almost 2 hours and learned about 5 year old kids… and that’s when I learned that everything about you at this stage was normal… and that I needed to change my approach – which was actually very hard to do and until now I am still learning. But know that each time I “pa-pa your bulele” or release some not so nice words to you, it hurts me too. Forgive me EJ if there were times I wasn’t the “funny” mama that you always call me. Moms got hard days too you know, but that isn’t a reason for me to give you one also. I want you to know that I am so proud of how loving a son and a brother you are, and for that, I will be forever thankful to God.

For the record, I miss you each time we’re not together. I miss your smile, your smell, you hair, your hugs and kisses that you give me whenever you feel like it. I miss singing and watching videos with you, your “kiti-kiti” moves, your “kakulitan” – I miss you and everything about you EJ. I even miss reminding you to chew and swallow your food and stop jumping on the bed 🙂 You know I miss you ’cause each time you come home we tell each other how we missed each other during the day, but it’s not as detailed as this one 🙂 So there it goes, when I say I miss you, it’s everything – the good and the not so good parts of our day.

I love you mister Elisha 🙂 and today, I TERRIBLY MISS YOU!

Love,

Mama